Last week, I was reading an old article I published called “(Don’t) Sex it up”, in which I tried to distance lingerie from sex to show that it was not the only relation, that lingerie can be related to beauty and empowerment. Then, I decided that I wanted to do the opposite. Because although I think is important to defend a movement for lingerie being seen as something other than pleasing someone else, is important to relate this to sex as well. Sex is important.
Since my early teenager years, sex was seen as a bad thing. Something I should not allow just any guy to have access too, something prohibited, dirty, wrong. And this is not because I was raised into a very conservative family -because they were not that extreme. Is just because media, friends and all the things we hear when we are growing up pass this message to us. It’s ironic, even, to see how women are sexualized on the media and how this passes the same message to girls: sex is wrong. Lindsay, from the blog that je ne sais quoi, put together some of her thoughts and great pictures about how she feels about sex, bondage and lingerie.
When I was in 6th grade (I was 12), we had one trimester of reproduction and sex studies in science class. On the first day of the subject, the teacher asked us to write anonymous questions on papers and she would answer. One -or some, probably, I don’t remember exactly- asked if women could masturbate or discover their bodies as much as man. When I was 12, I actually never thought about it, and on the event of the class I was probably ashamed to be thinking about it, but now I look at it with sorrow. Basically, while 12-years-old boys were encouraged to have a penis, 12-years-old girls were encouraged to hide the fact that they were starting to grow breasts. Just take a look at how ridiculous this is.
Now that I’ve set the scene, we should talk about lingerie.
Underwear, as much as any fashion segment, has different brands with different views and objectives. Most of them (I’d say all, but let’s not generalize that much, I may not know everything about the market) focus on making women feel good, considering aspects such as comfort and aesthetic. And sexiness. Either this so called sexiness is portrayed in the usual please-your-cis-hetero-boyfriend way or in a please-yourself-first way, is an important aspect. Because when it comes to intimacy, to being close to your body and your private parts, it’s natural to be related to sex.
Before I continue, I’d like to state my opinion about the point above. I think it’s important, considering women’s self-esteem and view of themselves on today’s society, to focus on their pleasure before her partner’s. You see, by today we should have all realized that women are not only made to give pleasure but to feel good on relationships and sexual intercourse as well. Fair enough to remember that when lingerie shopping, right? Let’s forget the “Your boyfriend are going to love it” (oh, the heteronormativity.) and focus on the “You look so good! If you feel this confident and have a partner, i’m sure he/she are going to love your posture and your lingerie!”.
There are, however, different types of focus that can be found on lingerie, when talking to sex. Some prefer the classics, some prefer something more playful, some prefer vintage patterns and garments. And some prefer erotic clothing. Myself, as an admirer of good fashion and wearer of nice pieces (when I afford them), really like erotic-styled lingerie. The feeling of the prohibited, of the boundaries crossed, fills me with astonishment. And that’s why I find amazing when I see some brand -or store, like Coco de Mer– taking sexuality and erotica in such a natural and graceful way.
Of course, some people don’t relate to this particular style because it seems a little too explicit, or even rough. This is very personal, and I respect every opinion and taste regarding to lingerie, fetish and sex. As long as it’s legal and consensual, of course. However, I must admit I feel great to see pieces, themes, campaigns, brands, pieces and etc. with such sexual freedom, specially if they are not focused, as I said, on the men/partner pleasure, but on the pleasure a woman can take from pleasing her partner.
Darkest Star, as the image above stated, is one brand I admire very much, although I don’t have any pieces by them. They make beautiful art focused on only one thing: bondage. This is interesting and I must say their belts are so beautiful that I wish I had one to use as outerwear. And underwear, when I feel like a bad girl.
Making fine, or luxury pieces with sexual themes -some of them being fetish related- is a good way to make sex distant from the “dirty, wrong” thing seen in our adolescence. Some cheap (and I don’t mean the price, here, but the quality and aspect) pieces, in my opinion, contribute to the shame women historically have of talking about their intimacy.
That’s why some lingerie stores choose not to expose their fetish garments and sex toys together with their usual lingerie pieces. This caught my attention in Etham, when I was in France. They had a little place really nice for women who wanted to buy this kind of items. It’s a nice idea, I reckon, because as I stated, is still complicated for some women to take sex as a natural and beautiful thing, some of them even get offended by it.
So, this idea seems pretty strange to some, but even if you consider yourself a submissive in sexual therms, there is empowerment on getting your Dominant/Master to deal with your submission. And that is sex, pure sex. Lingerie that follows this idea makes me happy, as much as any form of art that takes sex as a beautiful part of life.
Lingerie, as I said before and will continue to say every time, must make you feel good. It will give you power if you want that, it will give you gracefulness if you want that. It will turn you into whatever kind of woman you feel like being – and any kind is ok, I swear, you don’t have to be like anyone says you should, you should just feel good in your skin.
Let’s celebrate our sexual freedom by wearing beautiful things and giving pleasure to ourselves, our partners or anyone else we feel like giving – because we have that right. Shall we?
What’s your opinion on this subject and these garments?